OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
