East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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