wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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