Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize