I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
