my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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