On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
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I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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