Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
