Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
