she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
