i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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