I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
