It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
