guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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