I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
