"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm always down for nudity.
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