I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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