I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
