I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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