just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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