he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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