it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
