Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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