As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
