Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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