It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
