they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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