Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
