We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
