Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
