Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
