That's when you crack a 10am beer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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