I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
