Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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