Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
