I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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