So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
