Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
