new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Are we still banned from the library?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
