Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
