never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
