It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
