They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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