my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
