I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Even my vagina gasped.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
