So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
