OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Text me some of your sweat
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