This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
