If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
His nipple licking is glorious
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