her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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