we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
