We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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