i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
