Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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