thus making me awesome and them whores
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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