how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
