Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
