i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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