i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
