so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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