I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
