Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
