i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
