I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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