Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
