I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
