Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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