Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
