i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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