Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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