Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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