saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
