She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
