your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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