he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
