Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
