Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
