Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
