i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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