If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
