im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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