the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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