It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
